15 Jan

Living With Intention, Week Three

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized.

Be Who You Are.

Yeah, I know, you’re thinking, “Who the hell else am I supposed to be?”

At least I hope that’s what you’re thinking.

But being who you are is harder – a lot harder – than it sounds.  If you’re lucky enough to know who you are – as we talked about last week – you’ve taken the first step, but being that person, well, that’s a tall order.

Most of us grow up programmed to be who our parents want us to be.  Which is not to say most of our parents intended it that way, it’s just hard to parent any other way.  It only makes sense to imprint some of who you are on your kids, and it’s essentially impossible to prevent.

You’ll carry some of that imprinting with you all your life.  And that’s OK.  It’s part of what makes you, well, you.

But none of us can blame – or credit – that imprinting or modeling from our parents for most of who we are as grown-ups (And yes, if you’re working, providing for yourself and/or family, you’re a grown-up.  Sorry to have to break that news to you.).  There’s a point in life where you have to take responsibility for striking off on your own path, for good or ill.

I thought for a long time that I wanted to be a lawyer.  You know why I wanted to be a lawyer?  Because that’s what my parents wanted me to be.  If I were a reasonable person I’d have figured out in my early twenties that not only was that not in the cards, it simply didn’t suit me.  Instead, I made the passive decision to tread water throughout my twenties instead of pointing myself in a direction that fit who I am.

Almost by accident I found my way into professional fund-raising and non-profit management, which has fit me like a key in a lock.  Occupationally, vocationally, I am being who I am.  This may not be who I am five, ten years from now, but for now, yes, I’m spending my professional time wisely.  And I can’t tell you how good that feels.

I’m not only talking about your professional life, however.  And I’m not giving you permission to walk away from your day job because it’s not working out for you.  Ideally, you can get paid for doing something you love and spend your work life bringing both meaning and money to the rest of your life.  But unless you’re independently wealthy, keep that cash flow in the “on” position while you search for work that works better for you.

When I say “be who you are” I’m talking about more than a line on your resume or CV.  I mean that once you’ve taken the time to understand who you are, arrange your life to allow yourself to be that person.

For instance, as I’ve mentioned before, I am an introvert.  I get my energy from spending time alone, or quietly with my Lovely Wife.  I’m a smarter, friendlier, more capable, better person when I get an hour or so a day to just be – whether that’s reading, driving or just starting blankly at the TV.  I need that time.

I know that about myself, and if I go too many days without arranging my time accordingly, I’m predictably less-good at the things I do.

If you’re one of those people whose energy comes from working the crowd, you’d better build that into your schedule pretty regularly or your personal battery is going to run dry.

Being with my family is important to who I am.  I don’t travel for business a lot, but when I do, about two and a half days out, I literally don’t know what to do with myself without my Lovely Wife and the Sprightly Daughters.  So I plan accordingly and work not to schedule business trips that last longer than three days, four max.  Not because I’m trying to show everybody how good a Dad I am, but because I’m better when I can be with my family.

On long-term projects – like losing weight and gaining health – I find that I’m more able to get where I’m going if, yep, you guessed it, I write about it.  Turns out I need to think through what I’m doing by letting my thoughts flow through my keyboard.  Regularly.  Which is why I write this blog.

None of this is a get-out-of-jail-free card.  Yes, I’m more likely to lose weight if I have time to write this blog regularly.  But if there’s too much going on in my life to post updates for a week or so, I don’t get a free pass to gain weight.  It’s no reason to be less mindful of what I eat.

If I end up on a five-day work trip, it’s not OK to lose focus and not do my job as well on day five as I did on day one.

If Sprightly Daughter Number Three keeps us up all night and the book I’m reading doesn’t get opened for a week and I don’t get to watch King of the Hill reruns after everyone else goes to sleep for a few days, it’s not an excuse to be a less-attentive husband and father.

What must be done must still be done, even though things will get in the way of me being me.  Occasionally.

What I can promise you is that if you understand who you are and you intentionally arrange your life in a way that allows you to be that person in as many ways as possible, great things will happen.  For you and for the people around you.

Take a deep breath, think about who you are and work toward being that person.

14 Jan

Movin’ On Up

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized.

Just a quick procedural note to let you know that the address for this blog just became shorter.  You can still read Skipping Dessert at skippingdessert.wordpress.com … if you like long url’s … or as of a few minutes ago, you can just go to skippingdessert.com.

Yep, that’s right.  I now have a financial commitment to keeping this blog up and running.  Seventeen bucks …

14 Jan

A Little Perspective

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , .

Whew!  Busy week.  Sorry about missing Wednesday and Friday.  Hopefully you used the time to read some older posts.

Regardless, know that I did weigh-in Friday morning, I just didn’t get a chance to blog it.  260, which is down one more pound from last week.  Still in the 260’s, still annoying.

A couple of weeks ago I was whining about how slow this slog is, and how frustrating it is to not be losing at a greater clip.  A friend of the blog made the remarkable suggestion that the next time I’m in the grocery store I pick up a 25-pound bag of dog food and carry it around for a bit.  The point being that, having started at 287, I used to carry more than that around with me every step I took.  Hey, that’s a good idea, I thought to myself.

I didn’t actually do it, of course.

And then this afternoon I was in the Publix, and I was thinking, “Damn, I can’t believe I’m still fighting my way through the 260’s.”  And I remembered Ed’s suggestion.  So I pushed the cart over to the pet aisle and discovered that the Publix doesn’t sell 25-pound bags of Purina.  But they have 20’s, so I picked one of those up and carried it around for a few aisles.

You know what?  Twenty pounds of dog food is a lot to carry.  Twenty-seven pounds of fat must have been as well.

I don’t feel “better” now than I did before I started this journey, to be honest.  Clothes fit a bit better and I don’t have to take heartburn meds every night anymore, but I think I’m still about 25 pounds from really feeling what I could describe as “better.”  However, the reality is that right now … 27 pounds lighter … my knees aren’t working as hard.  My flat feet aren’t working as hard.  My heart isn’t working as hard.  Which means all those components – and more -should keep working longer than they otherwise would.

Which is fine thing.

So.  Thank you Ed, hell of a suggestion.

—

Thank you for reading.  I promise to get you a Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday post this week.

9 Jan

Your Monday Reading Assignment

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , .

Oh, to own stock in a fitness center in January.

Don’t feel bad about that brand-spankin’ new membership card.  You’re not alone.  There’s safety in numbers.

Still, you should chuckle at these 27 Rules of Conquering the Gym.  Best line:  “If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a bar.”  Rule number 27 will, however, give you the secret key to weight loss.   There’s also a funny picture of Jerry Lewis, back when he used to be funny.

Treasure it.  You won’t see me linking to the Wall St. Journal often.

You say the gym’s not for you, but your head is spinning about how to get started eating right?  And you still refuse to read Michael Pollan?  Well, here’s your late Christmas gift.  Don’t eat anything on this list of the ten worst supermarket foods (What, you thought you could get away with the Hungry-Man Select Classic Fried Chicken?).

And because I’m feeling magnanimous, here’s a bonus, less fun Wall St. Journal link.

—

Thanks for reading!

8 Jan

Living with Intention This Week (or, more pretentious blogging)

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized.

Last week we took a few deep breaths.  This week, let’s start learning …

Learn who you are.

That sounds easy, right?  Name, rank, serial number.  There you go.

Or not.

I’m not talking about what you do for a living, except in the rarest of instances.  If you’re the President of the United States, maybe a Supreme Court Justice, the Pope, perhaps, then yeah, who you are and what you get paid to do are kind of interchangeable.

But for the rest of us mere mortals, defining ourselves by the location of our desk is at best a cop-out, at worst a sad avoidance of what matters in life.

This week, I’m concentrating on who I it is that I am.  I’m asking you to do the same, to walk the path with me, again.

Socrates supposedly said the unexamined life is not worth living.  I don’t know how true that is (I know some pretty happy people who aren’t exactly honest with themselves, and you probably do as well), but I’m fairly certain it’s a good foundation for healthy living.

Often when people ask a question like this what they mean is, “who do you want to be?”  But that’s not what I’m saying here.  I’m saying learn who you are.  Today.  Now.  Not who you’ve been, where you came from, where you’re going, but who you are.

What drives what you do every day?  What matters to you?  What direction do your feet move in first thing every morning?  The answer might be positive, it might not be, but this isn’t the place for making value judgments.  It’s the place for honestly saying to yourself, “Here is where I am.  This is who I am.”

You may not be the same person in ten years – or one year – that you are today, but knowing who you are right now is going to help you get where you want to be.  Think of it as the beginning of a personal inventory.

When I ask myself that question it seems I define myself by my relationships.  Perhaps more specifically, by the responsibilities those relationships bring into play.  For me, fulfilling the responsibilities of my relationships gives me, well, fulfillment.

Allow me to elaborate:  I think the first thing I am is a dad. For most men – virtually all men – being a dad is one of those things that, once begun, will be part of your personal definition forever.  Even if you don’t take the obligation seriously, it will define you.  It’s going to be in the first line or two of your obituary, and your children will be, in some measure, defined by how seriously you take the job.

I take it seriously.  I embrace “dad” as part of my personal definition.

I’m a husband, which also defines who I am.  If you’re a spouse, that’s part of who you are, no way around it.  Sharing your life with someone changes you.  For some people that’s not necessarily a good thing, for others it’s heavenly.  I’m lucky – blessed – that it changes me (every day) for the better.

We’re all someone’s child, so to define myself as a son is not particularly unique.  For those, like me, who are “Juniors,” who share our fathers’ names, the connection is less escapable.  Many of my big choices in life have resulted from my being my father’s son, to the point that the designation, for good or ill, defines me to some degree.

Aside from those relationship/responsibility definitions, there are a few other things that are part of who I am.  I am an introvert – by which I mean I draw my energy from time spent alone or quietly with my wife.  Which is challenging, because, as you’ll recall above, I’m a dad.  So time alone to recharge, if you will, is at a premium.

I also draw energy from being creative, which for me, means writing.  Whether it’s a blog post or a work assignment, the times when I can really focus on writing are nothing less than  invigorating for me. Even when it’s “work,” it’s a pleasure.  With that in mind, I think it’s important to know that this is part of who I am.

On a less specific level, I can describe myself as a believer, for lack of a better word.  By which I mean I’m not one of those people who can go through life being entirely skeptical.  I need ideas and values on which to hang my hat.  Flowing from that description, I also need to promote and defend those ideas and values, so it’s fair, if not essential, to describe me as an advocate.

So there you have it.  I’ve worked pretty hard on thinking about who I am this week, and the best words I can use to describe me are, “dad,” “husband,” “son,” “introvert,” “writer,” “believer” and “advocate.”  I think that’s a pretty strong list of describers.  It’s not all there is of me, by any means, but really, it’s the bedrock of who I am.

The next question is, what do I do with that information?  Some of what I do with it is pretty obvious.  Knowing that I’m a father and husband, I’m going to make intentional choices that are consistent with taking care of my family.  But I’d do that without spending time thinking about “who I am.”

I make choices as a son without really thinking about it, because that’s 44 years of conditioning at work.  Or perhaps knowing where the responsibilities of that relationship tend to lead me, I can make more conscious decisions about whether or not I want to be led in those directions.

But the rest of the descriptors, used with intention, can lead me to choices that allow those characteristics to thrive.  And if I do that, life tends to be, well, healthier.

It’s been worthwhile to me to work on this this week.  I recommend it to you, and I’d love to hear what you come up with.  Post some answers in the comments as you feel comfortable, or send me an email.  Or  just keep it to yourself.  But do work on it.

It’s good for what ails ya.

6 Jan

Weigh-In Day Again

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized.

Hello again, 261. Yeah, it’s a pound down from last week, but, boy, am I tired of the 260’s.

That said, guess who ate fried chicken for dinner.

I did manage to stay away from the desserts.  Looking forward to starting a new week.

4 Jan

You Say “Excuse,” I say, “Reason”

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized.

Yes, it’s still Wednesday, and that means it’s time for five things.  As a little background, I gotta tell you, I don’t feel well at all.  Here are five reasons/excuses I haven’t laced up the running shoes yet this year …

1.)  Three Sick Daughters.  All three Sprightly Daughters have been in various stages of illness since, oh, about the first day of Christmas break.  I hear you, that’s them, not me.  Let me explain to those of you without young’uns in the house:  When the little ones are sick, your attention is required all day and all night.  Which means you don’t sleep.  To which I haven’t felt like adding an extra level of exhaustion.

2.)  Pink Eye.  Yeah, I got one.  No, it has nothing to do with any form of exercise.  It just pisses me off.  It’s mostly cleared up, thanks for asking.

3.)  My Back Hurts.  I think it has something to do with number 2, below, but it really hurts.  Doesn’t make me want to run.

2.)  Some Kind of Infection.  I don’t know exactly what, but I got this low-grade fever, body aches, upper respiratory infection thing that’s just making me feel really bad.

1.)  It’s cold outside.  Seriously, I’m not committed enough to running to get up when it’s still dark and 23 degrees outside.  Maybe if I ran more I’d get addicted and have to do it, even in this weather.  Not yet.

I know, wah, wah, poor me.  Seeing the doc in the morning.  I’ll be back to my chipper self soon enough and then I’ll start pounding the pavement.

Just wanted y’all to know I haven’t forgotten about you, I’m just annoyed.

But thanks for reading!

1 Jan

Breathe.

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized.

At 5:07 PM on Thursday, June 16, 2011, I learned how important it is to breathe.

We take drawing a breath for granted, but when my third daughter made her debut that afternoon, she couldn’t do it.

Breathe, that is.

She made a sad little mewling noise and then just kind of lay there in the nurse’s arms.  Having been present at the births of our other two daughters, I knew that wasn’t right.

Before I could think much (at all), the doc, nurses, anesthesiologists, etc. had it all under control and she was fine.  Today she yells nice and loud.

As an object-lesson in the importance of quality respiration, I don’t recommend this experience.

But you have those same stories in your own life.

Maybe you’ve seen one of your own children choking, their skin turning an odd shade as they fight for a breath.  Perhaps you have a brother or sister with asthma.  Maybe you’ve had a with of pneumonia.

The point is that if you’ve never had an opportunity to learn how important it is to be able to pull in a deep draught of sweet, clean air … consider yourself blessed.

If you’re not convinced about how important a good solid breath is, stop for a bit.  Seriously. Just stop breathing.  See how long it lasts before your body makes you start again – and notice how good it feels when you take that next breath.

—

“And the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living soul.”

That’s what Genesis has to say about breathing.  It’s not just a handy procedure for processing oxygen, it’s a divine gift.  The divine gift.  The spark of the soul.

Breathing is what we – humans – do.  From a strictly structural perspective, it’s our purpose.  We breathe in oxygen, process it in an essentially mystical biomechanical process and breathe out carbon dioxide for flora to process back into oxygen.

—

I don’t remember my first breath, and my last will probably come as a complete surprise.  In between, millions.  Most of them passing by unnoticed.

One of the first steps in living an intentional life is becoming aware of not only the world around us, but of the world within us. Recognizing that those things we just do, that we take for granted, are complicated, essential, beautiful components of life.  And that those components – like, say, breathing – are worthy of our active attention.

Take a moment to listen to yourself breathe.  Turn off the TV.  Switch your phone to “airplane” mode.  Mute your Spotify stream.  Forget the car noise outside your window.  Tune out the HVAC.  Do whatever it takes to make a quiet space for yourself, just for a few fleeting breaths.

Sit up straight.  Then breathe.

Deeply.

Slowly.

Regularly.

And listen.  Listen to yourself breathe.  Hear yourself breathe.

Take your normal breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth.  Then out through you mouth, in through your nose.  Alternate every few breaths.

Listen carefully. Hear that divine spark flow in and out of your lungs.

Once you get past feeling self-conscious about it (I didn’t tell you to do this alone … but I was just sort of assuming you would), relax.  Keep listening, but think about what you’re doing.  Be aware, intentional even, about bringing in that next breath. Fill your lungs.

Sit with it for a few seconds.

Then let it out.  Slowly.  Hear it leaving your body.  Feel it flow through your nose.

And do it again. Several times.

Feeling good yet?

If not, try it again another time.  Keep trying it until it does feel good, because it should.  It should feel good to be aware of the most basic function of the human body.  It should feel good to use the air around you, to give your body oxygen.

If you’re comfortable with the exercise to that point, keep going.  Think about your breathing.  Fill your lungs, empty your lungs.  Let everything else take a backseat to breathing, just for a little while.

Sure, you can’t do this all day long, no matter how much you enjoy it, but you can make some time to do this exercise for a few minutes every day.

Taking it a step further, give some thought to the most important breaths of your day.  When your eyes pop open in the morning, take a few intentional breaths before you do anything else.  Is there anything that can’t wait for you to take three or four good deep breaths before your feet hit the floor?

Take another minute or two between phone calls.  Breathe.  Breathe between bites of lunch.  Breathe while you wash dishes.  While you fold clothes.

Stare at your computer screen for a minute in-between answering emails and listen to yourself breathe.  Nobody will know you’re not working, and when you start working again you’ll be better for it.

Yes, I know you’re breathing through all those activities anyway.  The question is, do you know you’re breathing?  Is your breathing just happening or are you in charge of at least a few of your breaths?

Remember, your breath – your every breath – belongs to you.  It’s a divine gift. Recognize it for what it is, at least a few times a day.  It doesn’t cost you a dime.

Live your life with intention.  Start with your next breath.

1 Jan

New Feature!

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized.

I’m still not entirely sure of the name of this new Sunday feature, but it’s going to be my weekly thoughts on some aspect of intentional living.  One thing to focus on each week, all year long.

Intentional Sundays?  A Year of Intention?

It occurred to me a few weeks ago that there’s more to living healthy than losing weight.  I’ve written many times on this blog about eating intentionally, but there’s more to it than just that.  In this Sunday feature I’ll explore intentional living.  You can read all about it, as always, and share the week’s exercise with me if you’re so inclined.

As always, thanks for reading.  Look for week one, “Breathe” at this link right here.

30 Dec

Del Monte Foods, Why?

Posted by hlward in Uncategorized.

Really?  High fructose corn syrup in my diced tomatoes?

We eat black beans and rice about once a week here at Casa Ward (quick-n-ez recipe below).  One of the prime ingredients is diced tomatoes.  Ideally, just a plain ol’ can of diced tomatoes.  Sometimes I grab the wrong can at the Publix and we end up, as we did tonight, with diced tomatoes with garlic and onion, which is generally fine, because we’d have added both those things in the cooking process anyway.

In the cupboard tonight we had two cans of diced tomatoes:  The aforementioned Del Montes and a can of Ro-Tels.  The Ro-Tels were out because they’re a little spicy, and ol’ Dad is the only one here interested in bringing the picante.  So I grabbed the Del Montes.

So far so good.  Then I made the mistake of reading the label.

The first thing I noticed (and by the way, I was already sweating the bell peppers at this point, and the rice was done, so we were committed) was the calorie count.  Now, regular readers know I don’t generally care about calorie counts.  But I had noticed on the Ro-Tel label (because I was checking for ingredients to see how hot it might be) that the Ro-Tel was a measly 20 calories per serving.  The Del Monte tomatoes?  40.  Fully twice as many calories per serving.

And then I read the ingredients:  Item number two on the list?  High fructose corn syrup.  In my tomatoes.  And the garlic and onions?  Not so much.  Garlic powder.  Onion powder.  But not an actual aromatic vegetable to be found.  And a whole bunch of other questionable ingredients, including some chemicals with which I was not familiar.

By comparison, the Ro-Tel ingredients were tomatoes, peppers, salt and some odd chemical for thickening.

So.  We’ve learned two things.  First, read the label.  Always.  I knew that, but I should be able to trust that a can of tomatoes is just a can of tomatoes, right?  Wrong.  Second, I’m not buying Del Monte tomatoes again.  In this battle of Big Ag heavyweights (Ro-Tel is a Con Agra product), Con Agra wins.

Now, you may ask, “Why canned tomatoes, Harv?”  I’m glad you asked.  Generally speaking (before they add the freakin’ high fructose corn syrup), canned tomatoes are every bit as nutritious, and probably tastier, than any “fresh” tomato you pick up at your local supermegamart (Yes, if you grow your own, that would be better.  I do not.)

—

As promised, the recipe:

  • One can of black beans, drained
  • One can of diced tomatoes, mostly drained
  • Two bell peppers (different colors, if you can swing it), diced
  • Half a red onion, diced
  • Chopped garlic, to taste
  • A little olive oil
  • A pinch of black pepper
  • (No salt – there’s plenty in the beans and tomatoes)
  • Some rice (I don’t care how much, you’re going to serve this over the rice.  Brown is better than white.)

Heat the olive oil and black pepper in a big pan.  Brown the garlic in the oil.  Dump in the peppers and onions, sweat until they’re translucent/a little soft, stirring consistently.  Introduce the tomatoes, cook off most of the water from the tomatoes.  Introduce the beans.  Cook over medium/low heat for about five minutes, just to make all the ingredients happy with each other.  Serve over the rice.  If you’re feeling froggy, top with shredded queso and/or sour cream.

We’ve been known to include sausage of one sort or another, often chorizo.  If you do that, you might cut the olive oil out and start with the sausage.  You’ll have plenty of oil from that to cook everything else nicely.

Buen Provecho!

—

And for those of you checking for the weigh-in, 262 this morning.  Damnit.  Domino’s pizza for dinner Thursday night.  Don’t judge me.  Stop.  I know you’re judging me.  Quit looking at me.

Now go tell your friends to read my blog.

—

But seriously, thanks for reading.

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